A friend of mine once asked me after getting to know me a little; “So, what you are trying to say is, your life began to go sideways when you chose to be an engineer?” Frankly, I did not have a single thing to say otherwise! Even now, after mourning over the poor, uninformed and – well, horrible choices I made for years and then some – I am appalled at how that single alleged wrong turn completely burned up my rather fun life to ashes…just ill-tasted, emotionless, plain, cold dust.
Having grown up right in the middle of a cultural and perceptual shift in our society – concerning education and the social status of careers – I wish I could say that I was a victim of parental pressure in pursuing an engineering career. But, sadly it was all me.
My brain – whenever it could – beat me up on how I was falling asleep during lessons out of exhaustion and made me pity myself on how I couldn’t do extraordinarily well like the ‘old me’; which then led to questioning my abilities, recalling my great past, weeping about it and finally, shutting myself down. Although it was all sobs and no sleep; no breather and all GPAs; no passion and just reasons, I got out as an Engineer; which to this day, I can’t figure out how I managed to.
I remember, at times it felt like I am Alice, falling down the rabbit hole – a very deep one and oh! so 4-year long one. I still think about what my life could have been if I’d chosen wisely – something that only had to extend and polish who I am and what I am capable of….., something that really counts….., something that will make my waking up each day worthy and brings me a smile when I go to bed.
All that’s said and done, my reply to my friend was; “even though I am only human and repent having to make the mistakes I made; all those turns I took and the ride led me to where I stand right now, made me who I am, let me meet all those around me whom I hold dear. And I wouldn’t give it up for the world.”