For a person who has never been much satisfied with her life, I am somewhat of an expert on exit strategies. From carefully planned out ones to impulsive single blows, I try them all on a daily basis.
Distaste with things, surroundings, people or situations; I have an approximate percentage calculated in mind the first day in, of the success rate of the entity with me. It is not intentional; it happens on its own for me, as a neural response to just about anything.
When it comes to even the toothpaste I pick up first thing in the morning, I bid it goodbye after 3 weeks to the maximum, and switch to another one. The simplicity, the repetitive, recursive nature of everything, symbolically mocks me with a scare of an ordinary life with ordinary means. And it reminds of the teeny-tiny worth of human life, mine in particular.
In quite a new movie titled ‘Edge Of Seventeen’, Hailee Steinfeld says (to paraphrase);
“Ever since I was little, I would constantly get this feeling that I am floating outside of my body and looking down on me, judging me; I don’t like the way I look, the way I sound or behave; And it scares the hell out of me that the feeling is never gonna go away”.
That is exactly where all my points seem to wind up.
When life took an interesting turn and it shaped me as a person; I seem to have acquired an insight on what carries weight and what not. When I measure everything on this personally customized scale of ‘worth spending my time on that makes me a wee bit happy’; most of the things just fall over and roll away. That is when I find my cue to exit.
And I am proud of the way that I find no inhibitions in following down the Exit sign as well. Over the past few years, I have developed a refreshing quality of not giving a care in the world which, helps me stay afloat during the storm that strikes you once you go out the door.
Whatever led me to this peculiar trait, I am glad that it works out by helping me sail through safe, enjoying all the wonderful chaos around; rather than building a giant, protective bubble around me that blocks the view.